Sunday, January 2, 2011

changes all around.

lately i have been thinking about how things used to be. lately my friends and i have been reminiscing more than usual. i don't think that i am the only one who fears change, and who dislikes these changes that our lives have undergone.

i miss the very end of summer. i miss when you came home from africa and i felt so incredibly happy to have you as my best friend. i miss your house every weekend with our endless amounts of adventures with the people on our imaginary list of people to hang out with. i miss when we confided in each other and when i packed a weekend's worth of clothes to last me the entire week that i ended up staying at your house for. i miss how well we understood each other, our weird ideas like when we wanted to turn your childhood playroom into "the lion's den". i miss you so much and it's weird how fake your texts feel. but that's what happens when someone comes into your life how they did. it's sad that you can't seem to make room for anyone else. we are slowly getting more and more different. you are definitely not the person i used to call my best friend, because now you are exactly like him. i have moved on to our other friends who i feel closer to you than you now. yeah, i'm happy but i miss how things were. after each of your parties when our close friends would sleep over and we'd talk about the future and how we think our lives would turn out. and we'd go in a circle and say what we loved about each person. i felt like my happiness would last, and it did. you just aren't included in in anymore.

now that my family sold our house and we've basically found a new house away from here, i wonder how many times i will come back to this suburban city away from where my life is now. will it only be once or twice for the yearly doctor's and dentist visits? will i come back just to experience those lovely hiking trails with friends for photo shoots and such? who knows and truthfully, who cares. i've had some of the worst times of my life here, with people i don't speak a word to anymore. i am so beyond that, and i have grown so much as a person. my "old life" is behind me, shaping me into the person i am today which is the reason why i don't regret it. i met some amazing people and did some amazing things, but nothing compares to what goes on in my life now.

i don't know what this post is intended to be about. and considering the fact that i haven't written in here for a while now. i feel like there is so much circling around in my brain, and i don't know quite how to express it. or where to vent.

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