Sunday, December 25, 2011

i always think about you. anytime someone says your name, or when i'm not paying attention and type your name when i meant to type something completely different. or when i wake up to find that you didn't reply to my last text at 1:30 in the morning because you fell asleep exactly when i did. or when i remember wishing you merry christmas four different times, because that's how long i've known you. or when i think of the next time i celebrate these holidays or fall back into the holiday season that it will be a year from now, when i'll be in college and i hope you'll be near. or when i fold clothes at work and remember you telling me about the things you do at your work. when i do anything. or see anything. i always have to make a connection between it and you. i could just sit here and write all of these little coincidences on and on until the day ends. i know that i have this weird little psychic ability when thinking about my future, my school your school my likes and dislikes. i hope i'm right about this one.

and then there's another you. well a handful of you's. i never think about you. i almost forgot about your existences until i got reminded of the words you parade around facebook like they aren't disgusting and immature.

and there are some other you's. you helped me out on my first day of work, you're sweet despite what anyone says. they just like to have reasons to hate people.
you walk all over her and somehow is let back into her life which i will never understand but you're lucky to have a beautiful amazing friend like her so why do you take advantage?
you have spend weeks trying to please us for five minutes each night. i wish i drove. i wish i could have made it up to you but i will next year. or when i'm familiar enough with my job to have the courage to purchase something there.
you don't appreciate her hard work. fuck you. honestly. you make me so mad. why do you have to portray these mood swings onto your family? we try so hard to give you a christmas you've missed out on since years ago. we try to get you the things you wanted. or to enjoy the food you make us. or to make you feel needed and appreciated but after all of that, after we give you nothing to complain about, you STILL find a fucking reason to hate the world and everything that makes it up. i take after you in so many ways and i honestly hope this won't be one of them. i lose more and more respect for you every day.
i hope i can become closer with all of you who i met just days ago, i hope i can find my way into a spot into your little community. i've been wanting this for a year. it's almost coming true, all i have to do is work at it, but so far it seems right.
i wanted to give you another chance once again but all you do is talk about your dog and your boyfriend and your weed and it just doesn't make sense how someone can become dependent on all of these things, but we have grown in opposite directions. you can't even imagine going to college and leaving home for the reason that you can't support yourself or grasp the fact that one day your mom won't pay for your medications anymore.
i'm glad i'm independent. i'm glad i have a way with people. i'm glad you gave me the good traits. i'm glad you make me feel important and loved. i'm glad i don't have to pursue horrible unhealthy relationships. i'm glad we have a way to become closer and that you like to be a model for my photoshoots. i'm glad i don't dwell on the past we shared because i couldn't care less about it. i'm glad i met you, i'm glad everything has worked out as best as it can. i'm glad we are so alike and that you're perfect. i'm glad i've found a way to keep two important people in my life after these months come to an end.

No comments:

Post a Comment