Sunday, October 2, 2011

i honestly wish i had a better memory,
and more time,
and a car,
and a dorm room,

living at home with parents is easy. i need a challenge.
then again...
living at home with parents is challenging, i need ease.

two more months until i'm 18. exactly two more months.
car. job. ink. cash. card. independence, sort of.
i'm eager to find out where i'll be living a year from now. what city will house my art, my passions, my new life.
i should be that girl who "lives in the now" but i can't seem to be her.
until i'm fully happy with everything, i can't be her.
i'm thankful for the handful i'm balancing.
i'm thankful for the projects that pass the time.
i'm thankful for the upcoming roadtrip. the visits.

i want to design furniture. i want to design stores. i want to design.
i want to intern, and get my name out there.
sitting behind a desk, to come home and sit behind another desk, wears me out.
loving an education, but not a high school one. four jewish studies classes, not enough time for me.
i could be expanding my portfolio. i could be furthering my inventiveness.
take away that desk, give me the real world.
give me an expanding portfolio.
give me a darkroom.

the tension arises. i'm unhappy with what i see in the mirror.
i need to alter the side of me that creates my unhappiness.

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