as my sex and the city marathon came to a conclusion, i lay in bed wondering what to do next.
so i turn on the tv and put on a movie called Rock Prophecies that I have heard of once in my life before.
watching the stories of Robert Knight and seeing the photos he took in the early sixties made me so emotional.

he talked about how he wanted to get a hold of Led Zepplin and Jimmy Paige answered the phone, and kindly welcomed him to come and take photos of their band.

he also talked about how he used 14 frames from one roll of film to shoot Jimi Hendrix and how 6 of those became extremely famous.

he talked about how Elton John filled his front yard with orchids after Robert kindly gave him a ride home once.

why can't life be this carefree and easy? my lifelong dream is to shoot for bands and become an inspiration to at least one person. and it was so easy for Robert because it was the 60's and everyone had different dreams in their life. now, there is so much competition in the field i am interested in, but i can't let that get me down. i honestly wasn't meant for this decade.

but as i'm watching this documentary, my eyes are filling with tears after seeing the pictures of Hendrix. this photographer is my inspiration. everything was just handed to him, because that is how it was back then. he has the best luck of anyone i've heard of, and i am so admirational of him.
i have been putting a hold on my photo taking recently, because i've been so lazy and just focused on other things in general.
but after watching this, i am growing inspired and filled with sadness at the same time.
i've had many, many opportunities for someone my age, but not a single one has turned out successful.
they don't call back. they never call back. they pretend they are interested, they hand me a card, and that is the end.
i was once told that for someone like me, interested in the same things i am, many many opportunities will come. over hundreds. but there will be enough to count on one hand that will actually work out. so why not have hope in all of them? i am not one to give up easily because i believe that anything can happen if i work towards it. and after this documentary, i am even more inspired and more set on what i want to do in my life.
i need to stop focusing so much on how social i am, or how i'm going to decorate my room in the new house. i need to get out and make something of myself. i need to get my work noticed.
from now on, i will try ten times harder than i've tried before. i will waste my money on film and getting it developed, because it's more important than buying weed every weekend. of course that was a bad comparison. weed is a necessity.
so, i will spend my money on weed and developed film. and new camera equipment. and that's it.
no clothes for amanda. no food for amanda.

just weed and photos.