Saturday, December 11, 2010

i had already seen Into the Wild dozens of times before we got assigned to read the book version over winter break for english class.
but after watching it that many times, i only admired the main character's passion for the wilderness and escaping from society.
now, watching it for the first time in two years, i am feeling something completely different. i can relate his ideals and goals to characters in previous books i've read this year, such as Catcher in the Rye and The Crucible. "Alexander Supertramp" does not like material things, and hypocrites, just like Holden Caulfield or John Proctor. escaping from a world where everyone is the same, and where everyone treats others horribly, sounds like the perfect escape. i feel as if i have been doing the same thing lately. i have chosen to separate myself from those who are just like everyone else, because what exactly do they have to offer? i used to always try and dig so deep to find the good in everyone, but lately, there is nothing. people's instincts and habits take over them. with the exception of quite a few people in my life, i am done searching. i want to focus more on me and my goals in life, rather than worrying about how social i'm being or how exciting my weekend plans are.
"going with the flow" is a phrase i live by and explain to others every day. it might be cliche for people my age, but i am serious. i don't like planning or having more than a few reachable goals in mind. i know what i want in life, and i will try my hardest to work towards that, but i am not going to depend on chem homework, or math homework to give me a fulfilled life. i wish i cared more about my academics and grades, but i don't. nothing i want in life will come from all the stress that highschool brings.
of course i try, but not as hard as i should, because in the back of my mind, i don't want the life you all intend to live. i want to be a freespirited adult with no worries about money or anything else. money is all that people revolve their lives around.
i have seen it so, so many times. people stay at jobs they hate because of the money they are making. and job is the exact word for it. a job is something that someone has to do, day in and day out. which is what i don't want at all.
Jake Smith put my thoughts into the correct wording for me. he explained to me that if he was ever stuck behind a desk, or shoved in a cubicle, his life would be over.
that is exactly how i feel. i never realized it before, because i had never thought of it before, but he is so right.
i want to grow up doing something i love, something i'm passionate about, which is why my goals include being one of the photographers for urban outfitter's catalogue, or a music photojournalist for nylon magazine. in my mind, these are not hard to reach goals at all. and i will do whatever i can to reach them, or goals similar to them.
and just like all of the people we read about in english class, who drift from the typical american dream, i will not depend on "phony hypocrites" to get me where i want in life. because i know who i am, and i know that i am walking the face of this earth for one specific reason.

and i've found it.

1 comment:

  1. I love this, you are amazing and will reach those goals no matter what, I know you will. I have to read that book over break too by the way!